Wives and Husbands (Ephesians 5:22-33)

Before we delve into the text, it’s important to note that Paul was not discussing the relationship between husbands and wives. This is a passage of read at weddings. My dad read this passage at my wedding, and I read this text at my son’s wedding.

However, Paul concluded this passage by saying that he wasn’t writing about husbands and wives at all. “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (v 32). However, Paul wrote about how husbands and wives are to treat one another. I must admit that I don’t fully understand verse 32. Paul obviously used the model of how the church responds to Christ and how Christ responded to the church to set out guidelines for how husbands and wives should operate.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

The accepted Greek text literally reads: “The wives unto their own husbands as to the Lord.” I made a big deal last week out of the fact that the word “submit” does not actually occur in the text. I have since learned that some ancient manuscripts do include the word “submit.” However, the majority of modern scholars believe that Paul did not use the word submit but a few ancient transcribers included the verb for clarity. I did a little research this morning, and it does seem that Paul omitted the verb when he actually penned the letter under the Spirit’s guidance. I only mention all this for complete transparency.

Even at verse 24, women are not told directly to submit to their husbands. Literally, that verse reads: “But even as the church submits unto the Christ, thus even the wives unto the husbands in everything.” In Colossians 3:18, wives are directly commanded to submit to their husbands, but we’re studying Ephesians, not Colossians.

The verb “submit” is never directly applied to women in the text of Ephesians 5:22-24. The English versions rightfully add the word because Greek and English are two different languages, and English can’t have a sentence without a verb. Instead of Paul actually saying, “You wives get your act together and submit unto your husbands,” he says, “All Christians are to submit to one another; an example of that submission is how wives respond to their husbands. Furthermore, the church submit unto its head, Jesus Christ, and wives should respond to their husbands in the same way.”

I find Paul’s way to be very gentle and kind. He wasn’t not putting women down and making them second-class citizens. Instead, he said that all Christians submit to one another; an example of that submission is a wife submitting to her husband. And that the church lives in submission to her head Christ; wives, likewise, live in submission to their head, their husbands.

Another way we know that Paul was in no way demeaning women is the way that he instructed husbands to lead. The passage before us is called a “household code,” and they were very common among philosophers in the ancient world. These household codes began around 400 years before Jesus with Aristotle, but they may have started earlier.

Ancient household codes were divided into three sections, just like our text. They dealt with husbands and wives. They dealt with fathers and children. They dealt with masters and slaves. They even followed the same order Paul used here. However, ancient household codes told husbands how to rule; Paul told husbands are to love.

So, Paul used the submission of wives to their husbands as an example of Christian submission. How can wives set the church an example of submission when they honor their husbands? What are some practical things a woman does to show she submits to her husbands? If women are to submit to their husbands, why are they not second-class citizens?

“For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”

Paul provided the reason the wife submits to her husband—the husband is her head. The word “head” can also mean “source.” We might talk about the headwaters of a stream or river. I do believe that part of Jesus’s being the head of the church involves his being the source of the church. The church flows from him.

There are some who want to see the headship of the husband in this text as the source. The only husband who could in any way said to be the source of his wife was Adam. There is no way to see headship here as anything other than authority.

What type of authority does a husband have over his wife? How far does that authority extend? The example Paul provided was that of the church’s submission to Christ. How far does Christ’s authority over the church extend? How far does the husband’s authority over his wife extend?

It’s significant that Paul used the example of the church’s submission to Christ to speak of the wife’s submission to her husband. Paul will in the next paragraph speak about the restraints of a husband’s authority over his wife and the restraints Christ exercises as head of the church. Christ exercised great restraint in his authority over the church. When Jesus appeared to the disciples after his resurrection, he said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me” (Matt 28:18). Since Jesus had every single bit of authority “in heaven and on earth,” he could have theoretically placed harsh demands on the church. He could have, in theory, been harsh and cruel toward the church. I fully know, of course, that such behavior is out of character for our Lord, but I’m making a point.

Instead of exercising his headship in harshness, Christ exercised his headship of the church by loving her through dying for her: “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such that, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Eph 5:25-27). The church has real commands from the Lord. However, obeying those commands should come easily for each Christian because of Christ’s love for each Christian.

The husband has that same restraint placed upon his headship—there is not to be harshness, but love. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” How should the husband practically demonstrate his love for his wife? The Lord does have real commands upon the church. It seems to me that any Christian husband should have real commands upon his wife. What should those commands be? How difficult should it be for a Christian woman for follow those commands? In any proper Christian marriage, these commands wouldn’t even be vocalized.

The church is Christ’s body. How is the church Christ’s body? Does the fact that the church is Christ’s body impact the way Christ loves the church?

The wife isn’t quite the husband’s body. However, the husband and wife become one flesh when they are married: “A man shall leave his father and his mother and holds fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen 2:24). How are a husband and wife “one flesh?” How should that “one flesh” relationship affect the husband’s leadership in the home?

Furthermore, “Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.” How does a husband show love for his wife as his own body? How does the husband nourish and cherish his wife as his own body?

Christ is the body’s Savior. Jesus cares deeply about the spiritual wellbeing of the church. How has Jesus demonstrated his concern for the spiritual wellbeing of his body? Obviously, a husband must care for the spiritual wellbeing of his wife. How does a husband demonstrate his concern for his wife’s spiritual wellbeing?

“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

We’ve talked about this verse a fair amount before getting to it, so I don’t think we need to get too detailed.

However, Paul did use the word “submit” in this verse. He did only use the word once, not twice, as our English translations put it. The verse is literally: “But as the church submits to the Christ, even so wives to their husbands in everything.” You can obviously see why English translators use the second “submit.”

What does the word “submission” really mean? In classical Greek, the term Paul used meant “to place or arrange under.” By Paul’s day, the word mean “to be subordinate” or “to obey.”

Notice that the wife’s example of submission is the church’s submission to her head. In what practical ways does the church submit to Christ? In other words, what are some things we do as a church you don’t like? To put it another way, what are some things you would change about the church? Why don’t you change the church to do things as you’d want? Jesus is the head of the church, his body, and is its Savior.

In what practical ways does a wife submit to her husband? A serious question: Should husbands tell their wives what to do? Did God make women so weak that they need a man to tell them what to do?

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

The wife’s example for how she is to behave toward her husband is the church; the husband’s example is Christ. Think about how that elevates a husband’s responsibility. The wife has a divinely-ordained body as her example, but the husband has the Divine himself for an example.

The husband is to love his wife in the man in which Christ loved the church. What is love? How does a husband really show that he loves his wife?

Jesus loved the church by giving himself up for her. Obviously, a husband is to give up himself for his wife. Yes, a husband must be willing to die for his wife. I imagine with all the persecution in Paul’s day, Christian husbands often died in place of their wives. I’m fully aware that sometimes that very thing is required in our day and age. However, such instances are extremely rare and not at all likely for us. Since it is so unlikely that any of us husbands will be called on to lay down our physical lives for our wives, it seems fruitless to spend much time there. How do modern husbands give themselves up for their wives? What should a husband do to demonstrate that he is giving up his life for his wife?

Jesus gave himself up for the church “that he might sanctify her.” Some Jewish teachers spoke of the betrothal as the sanctification of the bride. It was at the betrothal that the virgin was dedicated, set apart, for her husband. What does “sanctify” mean? Why did the church need to be sanctified? In what way(s) is the church sanctified?

Jesus sanctified the church, “having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” Paul apparently alluded to an ancient wedding custom when he spoke of the church’s being cleansed “by the washing of water.” Before a bride was married, she was washed, perfumed, and anointed. It was then that she was dressed in her wedding clothes. I haven’t studied the hygiene habits of the people in Paul’s day very much, but I imagine they didn’t have the best hygiene. Therefore, being washed, perfumed, and anointed would have been a big deal.

“Washing of water” seems to be an allusion to Christian baptism. How is “washing of water” an allusion to Christian baptism?

With cleansing “by the washing of water” takes place “with the word.” What is “the word?” What role does the word play in cleansing the church?

Because Jesus loved the church, gave himself up for her, sanctified her, and cleansed her, he can “present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” When will the church be presented in splendor? What will that splendor be like? How can the church have no “spot or wrinkle or any such thing?” When will the church be (fully) holy? What blemishes the church? How can the church be without blemish?

“In the same way husband should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.”

As we’ve been saying throughout our study of this text, husbands are to model their love for their wives on Jesus’s love for his wife (Notice Paul began the first sentence here with “In the same way. . . .”). What are some specific examples where Jesus demonstrated love, not just for his church, but for anybody? How can a Christian man model that love toward his wife?

The husband is to love his wife as his own body. How do husbands demonstrate love for their own body? How can they use that love to show love for their wives?

“He who loves his wife loves himself.” Why is loving one’s wife equated with loving himself? In what ways are a husband and wife truly one flesh? Paul will quote from the Genesis account at verse 31 and say, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” We’ll talk about that verse in detail later; however, it does seem to me that Paul introduced the truth of “one flesh” here when he said that loving one’s wife is loving himself. If a husband loves his wife as himself because they are one flesh, what does that say about:

• His leadership?
• Divorce?
• Adultery/Fornication?
• Abuse?

In a sense, I don’t feel we need to discuss such things in this class because all of you know the truth. However, feminists and others get upset when we start talking about headship. They get upset because: One: They do not understand what the Scriptures teach about headship; Two: Some men have abused their authority. However, sin doesn’t change truth.

A man “nourishes and cherishes” his flesh. How does a man care for his own flesh? How does a man nourish his wife? How does a man cherish his wife? How does Jesus nourish and cherish his wife, the church? How are we members of his body?

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Why is it important for a man to leave his father and mother? How does a man demonstrate that he has left his father and mother? How does a husband demonstrate that he’s holding fast to his wife? Since we’ve already discussed the idea of “one flesh,” we won’t discuss that truth again.

“This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

What is the mystery Paul has just discussed? How is that mystery profound? How does that mystery refer to Christ and the church?

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

While Paul has used the marriage unit to discuss Christ and the church, he wants to make clear that husbands and wives have responsibilities toward one another.

The husband is to “love his wife as himself.” Earlier Paul had said that husbands were to love their wives “as Christ loved the church.” Why the change here? In fact, I don’t believe there really is much of a change. Notice verse 28. After discussing the love Jesus has for the church—i.e., laying down his life for her—Paul told husbands to love their wives as their own bodies “in the same way.” What Paul meant is that Jesus showed love for his body, the church, and husbands are to show love for their wives as though they were their own bodies. Thus, in this context, a husband’s loving his wife as himself is really the same as loving her the way Christ loved the church.

The wife is to respect her husband. How does a wife show that she respects her husband?

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This Bible class was originally taught by Dr. Justin Imel, Sr., at Church of Christ Deer Park in Deer Park, Texas.