Tips for Good Sex
Husbands and wives must consistently practice the concept of mutuality—mutual respect and mutual responsibility—in their sexual relationships. When there is a spirit of mutuality, passion will be expressed, sexual freedom discovered, and true “oneness” fulfilled.
Speaking sexually, men and women are different.
- Women function on two tracks: (a) the emotional track and (2) the physical track. In order for a woman to be sexually aroused, both these tracks must intersect.
- Men function on one track. This means that when physically aroused, men will almost always be emotionally ready to have sex.
It is also true that (in general) women open up sexually when they feel connected with their husbands, while men connect emotionally and open up through sex and physical touch.
The husband must start the process of discovering mutual sexual fulfillment by connecting with his spouse. A husband’s love, adoration, and connection will help to ignite his wife’s sexual passion. He feels loved by her positive response to his advances and they both end up fulfilled.
A woman’s responsibility is to receive her husband’s affirmation and lead by invitation, as did the bride in the Song of Solomon. For a woman to do this, she has to believe she is worthy and has a right to be sexual. She has to know that her body was designed for her sexual satisfaction.
To experience long-lasting passion in marriage, couples must focus their sexual times together on delighting in each others’ bodies. Arousal, intercourse, and orgasm do not measure sexual satisfaction, but result when pleasure is the focus.
For pleasure to be the focus of sex in marriage, the couple has to accept their differences as men and women: the husband’s more predictable constancy and the ever-changing complexity of the woman. Sex will then be more interesting, less goal-oriented, less pressure-filled, and more deeply satisfying.
Western society glorifies spontaneity. However, for most couples, the anticipation of planned sexual times builds quality, and the secure scheduling of those times increases quality. Put simply, setting aside specific times for pleasure means more great sex.