I use language that wouldn’t put a person on the defensive, such as telling my feelings rather than blaming or accusing.

• ___________ I’m really good at this!

• ___________ I’m okay at this.

• ___________ I really need to work on this!

I am not immediately defensive when my spouse brings up an issue or problem.

• ___________ I’m really good at this!

• ___________ I’m okay at this.

• ___________ I really need to work on this!

I speak kindly to my souse (no sarcasm or name-calling).

• ___________ I’m really good at this!

• ___________ I’m okay at this.

• ___________ I really need to work on this!

I will apologize.

• ___________ I’m really good at this!

• ___________ I’m okay at this.

• ___________ I really need to work on this!

I take time to listen to what my spouse is saying. (I’m not just thinking about what I’m going to say next while he or she is talking).

• ___________ I’m really good at this!

• ___________ I’m okay at this.

• ___________ I really need to work on this!

I stay engaged with my spouse and don’t just shut down and not try to talk things out.

• ___________ I’m really good at this!

• ___________ I’m okay at this.

• ___________ I really need to work on this!